No, we are not going to talk about the series “Anger management”, rather discussing about the problem that has led many of us into different types of problems in our personal and professional life. Anger can destroy a relationship, it can make you feel helpless, depressed and that might let you into various mental problems. This article is meant for people who suffer from this problem now and then – to help them understand and control anger.
When Tempers Flare
Do you lose your temper and wonder why? Are there days when you feel like you just wake up angry?
Some of it may be the changes your body’s going through: All those hormones you hear so much about can cause mood swings and confused emotions. Some of it may be stress, People who are under a lot of pressure tend to get angry more easily. Part of it may be your personality: You may be someone who feels your emotions intensely or tends to act impulsively or lose control. And part of it may be your role models: Maybe you’ve seen other people in your family blow a fuse when they’re mad.
No matter what pushes your buttons, one thing is certain — you’re sure to get angry sometimes. Everyone does. Anger is a normal emotion, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling mad. What counts is how we handle it (and ourselves) when we’re angry.
1. Get some exercise or meditation
Exercise and Meditation can help to reduce stress that initiates anger in you. If you feel that anger is rising in you, you might go for a walk or run, or spend some time meditating.
2. Don’t speak for a while
In the heat of a moment, you might say something that you don’t mean – that can destroy everything. Take your time and space for collecting your thoughts before saying anything. That will give your mind some time to calm down.
3. Count from 100 to 00
Counting gives you time to cool down, so that you can think more clearly and divert your brain for a while.
4. Write down the problems
Writing down the things you want to say – will help you to calm down instantly. After writing down all those things, you may burn the page, to release tension and reduce feelings of anger.
If you feel bad after saying something wrong, you should go and say sorry. A small sorry wouldn’t harm you.
6. Think for a while
Try to make some solutions for your problems. Nobody knows you better than yourself, you know how you can control your emotion and the words. So, do the best thing for yourself.
Anger is not a disease that can’t be cured but it is a part of you and you need except it the way it is. The only thing you can do is to try and control and keep it low, so it doesn’t burst out and throw you to the hounds of a bad situation.
And what about some long time tips to get out of anger ?
Getting Ready to Make a Change
Deciding to get control of your anger — rather than letting it control you — means taking a good hard look at the ways you’ve been reacting when you get mad. Do you tend to yell and scream or say hurtful, mean, disrespectful things? Do you throw things, kick or punch walls, break stuff? Hit someone, hurt yourself, or push and shove others around?
For most people who have trouble harnessing a hot temper, reacting like this is not what they want. They feel ashamed by their behavior and don’t think it reflects the real them, their best selves.
Everyone can change — but only when they want to. If you want to make a big change in how you’re handling your anger, think about what you’ll gain from that change. More self-respect? More respect from other people? Less time feeling annoyed and frustrated? A more relaxed approach to life? Remembering why you want to make the change can help.
It can also help to remind yourself that making a change takes time, practice, and patience. It won’t happen all at once. Managing anger is about developing new skills and new responses. As with any skill, like playing basketball or learning the piano, it helps to practice over and over again.
The Five-Step Approach to Managing Anger
If something happens that makes you feel angry, this approach can help you manage your reaction. It’s called a problem-solving approach because you start with the problem you’re mad about. Then you weigh your choices and decide what you’ll do.
Each step involves asking yourself a couple of questions, then answering them based on your particular situation.
Let’s take this example: There’s a party you’re planning to go to, but your mom just told you to clean your room or stay home. The red-hot anger starts building.
Here’s what to do:
1) Identify the problem (self-awareness). Start by noticing what you’re angry about and why. Put into words what’s making you upset so you can act rather than react.
Ask yourself: What’s got me angry? What am I feeling and why? You can do this either in your mind or out loud, but it needs to be clear and specific. For example: “I’m really angry at Mom because she won’t let me go to the party until I clean my room. It’s not fair!” Your feeling is anger, and you’re feeling angry because you might not get to go to the party.
Notice that this is not the same as saying, “Mom’s so unfair to me.” That statement doesn’t identify the specific problem (that you can’t go to the party until you clean your room) and it doesn’t say how you’re feeling (angry).
2) Think of potential solutions before responding (self-control). This is where you stop for a minute to give yourself time to manage your anger. It’s also where you start thinking of how you might react — but without reacting yet.
Ask yourself: What can I do? Think of at least three things. For example, in this situation you might think:
(a) I could yell at Mom and throw a fit.
(b) I could clean my room and then ask if I could go to the party.
(c) I could sneak out to the party anyway.
3) Consider the consequences of each solution (think it through). This is where you think about what is likely to result from each of the different reactions you came up with.
Ask yourself: What will happen for each one of these options? For example:
(a) Yelling at your mom may get you in worse trouble or even grounded.
(b) Cleaning your room takes work and you may get to the party late (but maybe that adds to your mystique). With this option, you get to go to the party and your room’s clean so you don’t have to worry about it for a while.
(c) Sneaking out may seem like a real option in the heat of anger. But when you really think it through, it’s pretty unlikely you’d get away with being gone for hours with no one noticing. And when you do get caught — look out!
4) Make a decision (pick one of your options). This is where you take action by choosing one of the three things you could do. Look at the list and pick the one that is likely to be most effective.
Ask yourself: What’s my best choice? By the time you’ve thought it through, you’re probably past yelling at your mom, which is a knee-jerk response. You may have also decided that sneaking out is too risky. Neither of these options is likely to get you to the party. So option (b) probably seems like the best choice.
Once you choose your solution, then it’s time to act.
5) Check your progress. After you’ve acted and the situation is over, spend some time thinking about how it went.
Ask yourself: How did I do? Did things work out as I expected? If not, why not? Am I satisfied with the choice I made? Taking some time to reflect on how things worked out after it’s all over is a very important step. It helps you learn about yourself and it allows you to test which problem-solving approaches work best in different situations.
Give yourself a pat on the back if the solution you chose worked out well. If it didn’t, go back through the five steps and see if you can figure out why.
These five steps are pretty simple when you’re calm, but are much tougher to work through when you’re angry or sad (kind of like in basketball practice when making baskets is much easier than in a real game when the pressure is on!). So it helps to practice over and over again.
I hope these techniques will help you at least a little and ease your life.